An untidy old man examined Jeremiah’s pawn shop shelves. The unexpected sway of the old man’s coat gave way to a revolver; the under-counter button was pressed. Men in blue with handguns drawn flooded the tiny shop. At seventeen hundred an ounce, his attempt to swindle the gold was ended.
I liked how you utilized so many descriptive words to tell your story! Good Story!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Bill. As Barb mentioned, your word choice was great at providing the reader with a lens into what took place. Well-written.
ReplyDeleteLike Barb and Greg, I too really appreciate how descriptive this story is. While reading it, I can vividly picture an old man in ragged, unkempt clothing, and as he turns, his jacket flips just enough to expose the handle of the gun.... I could go on more and more. 50 words may seem very short, but you were able to paint quite a picture in those 50 words, well done!
ReplyDeleteI agree, I can picture the man with such a little amount of words. Wish he got away with it for some odd reason though.
ReplyDeleteGood story, Bill. You built a sense of suspense while creating tension that makes us feel sad for the untidy old man.
ReplyDeleteBill,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. The scene you “painted” in my mind made me feel like I was watching I movie. One of my favorite parts of your story was how you described the cops as men in blue with handguns drawn instead of just referring to them as police. Your choice of words forced readers to recreate this story in their minds. Well done!